It has been a terrible week , in regards of work and personal life.

I am now attached at Changi for two weeks. Being stationed in Tuas ever since I was posted to navy a year ago , it was culture faux pas for me as I was totally not used to the routine there. The only propitious facts are that I reached home earlier everyday from camp and I get to reunite with my fellow friends whom are posted to Changi right from the start. I was involved in a job when I received a call from 2 of my colleagues at Tuas , informing me on the pretext that they need to plan manpower and that on certain dates on the upcoming months I am not supposed to take leave/off because they "chopped" first. It was patently obvious that they are conniving behind the scene with proverbial priority to their own interest. I was not entirely upset that they chose the dates beforehand but rather , the way they conveyed their message to me as if I am going to fulminate their intention of going for leave/off. Well , they can go ahead and chop whenever they like , because I am going to ORD 1st in 3 months+ time as of now anyway. It doesn't affect me much.

I was adjusting my inner emotions on the notion that she was already attached and finally , my suspicion was confirmed that I was right. Though I told myself that I musn't be upset , tears just welled up in my eyes and they just flowed . disregarding my efforts to hold them back. History never fails to repeat itself . Once again I am standing outside the door of happiness , being denied the chance to enter it. Am I really that bad ? Am I really that dislikeable ? I often wondered to myself. These are questions that have flammoxed me all along because I can never seem to find the answers. I supposed I am , otherwise why do I always appear to be the fool in others' eyes. I always thought I had met the right girl , and put in efforts and sincerity in my pursue towards the supposedly happiness , but ended all in vain because they found happiness in other guys' arms. It seems destined , destined that I am to end up in disappointment and hurt all the time. The higher the expectations , the bigger the disappointments. I never seems to learn.

I guess when you think you love someone you will ignore all the warning signs only to end up hurt and lonely. History never fails to repeat itself , and the colour of inks are tears that tell my sad stories.


To say I am disappointed is actually an understatement.