Yet another week has passed. Just went through sit test which means another 2.5 days at outfield sleeping with all kinds of insects creeping/flying around and eating combat rations. After experiencing 7 days of field camp previously , this was nothing. However , the fast marches of 4km on Day 1 and 2 km on Day 2 drained me out both mentally and physically. Really must thank my platoon mates for encouraging each other and among ourselves to endure and push it through. Surely none of us wants to fall out , because if it is so it means having to re-sit the test and having the whole weekend burnt. From this test I can see lots of "wayang" people trying their hardest to impress the accessors during missions. As for me , I am just being my usual self.

The night scenery at the sit-test ground is definitely much nicer than the grounds for field camp. Munching biscuits and energy bars while lying on groundsheet gazing at the beautiful stars up on the sky is a once in a lifetime experience. Same to having hungry mosquitoes feeding on various parts of one's body while one is shitting at the shit-holes. Is really something one should experience. Quite memorable I will say.

Suddenly I thought of someone , especially when I was mentally and physically drained at times. I know I am not suppose to , but I just can't help it. I thought of her angelic face , with her beautiful features and especially her sparkling eyes. Yet again , all these are just..a dream of yesterday.

I thought of the events that I went through , be it few years ago or just recently. Life is really full of ups and downs. There are bound to be disappointments and obstacles along the way towards happiness and success. Many a times , one's efforts are not being recognised. Many a times , games are just being played by broken rules. That's life ------ how unfair it is. Like it or not , if such things are pre-destined , we tell ourselves we cannot fight it. Put down our swords but yet hold our heads high. This is because we didn't lose , instead we were just being denied the green light to advance. Tough time don't last , but tough men do. It's the end I am working towards to.

9 more days to POP. Coming up next is live grenade throw , 16 km and 24 km route marches. I pray hard that I don't fall out in any and just finish all these and get out of tekong.

The angels thought from heaven
can be devils in disguise ,
when games are being played ,
by broken rules.

But the heart beats ever stronger ,
and it carries me along.
For in every new beginning ,
lies the ash of bridges burned.
And the hope for new tomorrows ,
lies on bones of lessons learnt.

In time there'll be an answer ,
and in time I'll find the way.
To forget the many sorrows ,
and the dreams of yesterday.

Field camp was an eye opener to a lot of things. I discovered that I am really not as motivated as I feel I should be when I first enlisted. Fucking 7 days in jungle sickened me. My arms and legs were infested with heat rashes and abrasions. My forehead has pimple outbreaks. Leopard crawl in mud , digging those stupid trenches were tiresome. Same old vulgarities , same old songs , same old routine week in week out. Fucking maggots as we were called. I too have my fair share of being fucked by commanders. Worse is my weekend kanna burnt because of mistakes I committed in field camp and kanna guard duty along with the rest of my company mates. Can't even celebrate my grandma's birthday with her. National Service is really screwed. It puts a halt to one's normal life and being forced to sell his time and strength to the nation. Now I finally understand why NS can easily disorientate oneself . It makes one stupid easily. Everyday yes / no sergeant or sorry sergeant just to avoid being fucked. Oh man. I think I really need a life. On a lighter note , I received letters from NTU and NUS respectively offering me admissions to the courses that I have indicated my interest in. This is a considerable cheer.

Serve And Fight or Serve And Fuck-off ?

It remains to be seen.

4 weeks into army already. So far so good but at times feel rather sian of the routine. Frankly , I miss civilian life and studying. Tonight will be booking in again and this friday will be going to field camp and stay in jungle for 7 days. More about army next time.