wah lao , I am damn tired !

PE on Friday , then which after school me and KY went to train on our own at Serangoon Stadium.

Saturday did CIP at Toa Payoh. It was about collection old newspapers/clothings/electrical appliances and stuffs like these to raise funds for NY pocket money fund for our needy students. Was super tired but it was really meaningful. Felt a sense of achievement even though it may not be a big deal in other people's eyes but am really glad that we at least chipped in our best to collect what can be collected. Mrs Leong was so nice to treat the whole class Macdonald's for lunch. Considered that we helped out the most since we are boys and were kinda tired , my clique and I still went ahead to play street soccer after CIP. Very fun and enjoyable. It was great to be able to play my most fav sport besides basketball. Me and KY partnered to play against KC and PK in which the former won 15 - 9. I banged in 4 hat-tricks. :D

Today is a rest day for me. Just woke up early to accompany my mom to the market to carry stuffs and also did the normal chores which I do every Sunday.

Finally bought my Chinese New Year clothes after much difficulty. Ok , I know I am fussy and particular over my clothes but I have to be satisfied over what I am buying. Wonder what will it be like when it comes to shopping for prom for end of the year.

Going on a trip down to It's Hairy on thursday/friday after school to cut hair. Still contemplating on what style to cut though. Toying with idea of carving lines again. haha. Shall see.

Saw this quote from some article I have been reading which I think is very meaningful.

16 principles of what is life

Life is an opportunity , benefit from it.

Life is beauty , admire it.

Life is bliss , taste it.

Life is a dream , realize it.

Life is a challenge , meet it.

Life is a duty, complete it.

Life is a game , play it.

Life is a promise , fulfill it.

Life is sorrow, overcome it.

Life is a song , sing it.

Life is a struggle , accept it.

Life is a tragedy , confront it.

Life is an adventure , dare it.

Life is luck , make it.

Life is too precious , do not destroy it.

Life is life , fight for it.

Oh God. I think I am transforming into a full-time geek soon. hahaha.

I have been fiddling with the functions of imagestation and my conclusion is that it sucks. The uploading functions jammed more than often and I am god damn fed up with it. That's it. I think I should be switching to other better places that host digital photos. Still considering though.

Watched "15" just now on my window media player again. It seems that no matter how many times I watched I wont get bored of it. Is such a great film. If you think is because due to the expletives and gang chants ( though I admit even up till now I still chant along with them though I cant make out more than half of what they are saying for nuts) or anything , is actually more than that. It makes us realised about the existence of another group of people who are on the fringe of society , the same society in which everyone is drummed in the head from young to do well and succeed in life. Abandoned by the system, these people seek answers to their aimless existence among the misfits and outsiders of Singapore's underclass. A provocative film acted by real street kids , it exposes a gritty side of modern-day Singapore life that many never knew existed. Really meaningful with so many ugly truth about this beautiful yet realistic society. 1 of my favourite films , not to mention that must give support to 1 of the lead actors inside who is also a fellow gabrielite from my batch from my alta mater St Gabriel's Secondary. :P

Just some random thoughts.......

When you think of your past love, you may view it as a failure. But when you find a new love , you view the past as a teacher. In the game of love , it doesn't really matter who won or who lost. What is important is you know when to hold on and when to let go. You know you really love someone when you want him or her to be happy, even if their happiness means that you're not part of it. Everything happens for the best. If the person you love doesn't love you back , don't be afraid to love someone else again , for you'll never know unless you give it a try. You'll never love a person you love unless you risk for love. Love strives in hurting. If you don't get hurt , you don't learn how to love. Love doesn't hurt all the time. Though the hurting is still there to test you , to help you grow. Don't find love, let love find you. That's why it's called falling in love because you don't force yourself to fall. You just fall. You cannot finish a book without closing it's chapters. If you want to go on , then you have to leave the past as you turn the pages.

Love is not destroyed by a single failure or won by a single caress. It is a lifetime venture in which we are always learning , discovering and growing. The greatest irony of love is letting go when you need to hold on and holding on when you need to let go. We lose someone we love only when we are destined to find someone else who can love us even more than we can love ourselves. On falling out of love , take some time to heal and then get back on the horse. But don't ever make the same mistake of riding the same one that threw you the first time.

To love is to risk rejection , to live is to risk dying , to hope is to risk failure. But risk must be taken because the greatest hazard in life is risk nothing. To reach for another is to risk involvement , to expose your feelings is to expose true self , to love is to risk not to be loved in return.

How to define love : fall but do not stumble, be constant but not too persistent , share and never be unfair , understand and try not to demand , hurt but never keep the pain. Love is like a knife. It can stab the heart or it can carve wonderful images into the soul that always last for a lifetime. Love is supposed to be the most wonderful feeling. It should inspire you and give you joy and strength. But sometimes the things that give you joy can also hurt you in the end. Loving people means giving them the freedom who they choose to be and where they choose to be. For all the heartaches and the tears , for gloomy days and fruitless years , you should give thanks , for you know, that there were the things that helped you grow.

Loving someone means giving her the freedom to find her way, whether it leads towards you or away from you. Love is a painful risk to take but the risk must be taken no matter how scary or painful , for only then you'll experience the fullness of humanity and that is love. Only love can hurt your heart , fill you with desire and tear you apart. Only love can make you cry and only love knows why. If you're not ready to cry, if you're not ready to take the risk , if you're not ready to feel the pain , then you're not ready to fall in love. There was a time in our lives when we became afraid to fall in love 'coz every time we do , we get hurt , then I figured that's why it's called falling in love.

Perhaps in life , one shouldnt be too stubborn over certain things. Learn to let go when it really doesnt belong to you.

You will feel much better , and happier.

Not sure if this applies to everyone , but for me , it sure did.

Quite a few things happened today that led me to think a lot and a lot.

Uhhhhhhhhh...

Tired. Shall retired to bed soon.

Getting really oblivious of stuffs happening around especially in school. Dun want to care much about unnecessary stuffs that may distract me. Just want to concentrate on what I should do and how I go about achieving my aims. Who cares about retard gossips and silly rumours ? At the end of the day , is still me , myself and I. Not as if I am some high-profiled figure who needs great deal of attention from others.

Just some random thoughts going through my mind. Dunno what am I thinking too. Sounds complicated ? Yeah. Being me aint easy at all.

Really leading a boring life these days. Is school , school and school. I need some sparks that can liven me up.

Where's the certain spark ?

Guess only fate will decide.

A great weekend. :)

Finally I had a break this weekend ! Was dying in school for the past few days and a break was what I look forward to.

Town with Qian Hui on Saturday afternoon. Pool at Mambo , Dinner at Cine foodcourt and walkabout at Heeren and Wisma. It wasnt until during our dinner at Cine then my photo-taking craze started. We walked about and took pics then we went to Esplanade. The night view was beautiful ! We stayed there for quite some time and while on the way to City Hall along the way past the Merlion there I saw Tony ! The guy who recommended my present digital camera to me and patiently explained lots of camera functions to me (but I still forgot quite a lot in the end). He was with his girlfriend taking pictures too. Haha..we still recognised each other because we happened to "eh ?!" at the same time when me and Qian Hui happened to walk past them. Tony was super professional..taking pics using a large tripod stand. Real cool and the best part was that he offered to help us take pic using my camera with support on his tripod stand. The pic was great. Clarified with him some of the functions of my camera and am proud to announce that I know almost all the functions of my camera ! hahaha. Like finally !

It was an enjoyable and fun day for me. Took lots of pics too and it was real nice. Thanks , Qianny ! :P

I am very tired.

The teachers have gone insane and saddistic , giving so much homework. Tml there is the first test of the year : cla test. I want to do well and I want to be among the top. Dun like the idea of losing out , because I have lost enough.

Welcome to life of Year 2.

On the positive side , this is the last year. How I wish this year go by quickly though.

Suddenly feel very tired of a lot of things. Perhaps I am getting more and more oblivious of stuffs happening around me. This is not good.

People told me that sometimes I am too stubborn for my own good. Yeah , I am. But do they know the feeling ? They dont. Because they are not me.

I will learn to let go of things that dun belong to me.

School really sucks nowadays.

I need a good break...

.......and motivation for me to get a grip of myself whenever it seems that I am clinging in mid-air for life off a high cliff.

I haven blog for ages.

So the 1st week of school had already passed by and today is the 1st day of the 2nd week of school. The whole school was pretty much hyped over the orientation of the new batch of J1s and well..no comments because I am not an OGL or part of the orientation programme in welcoming this new batch of people. Missed out the fun I guess , missed out being an OGL..all due to vacation jobs. It's ok though , I rather earn money and working experiences. LOL.

Timetable is like..uhh. Long breaks especially on thursday and friday and last week I had time to go out of the school to watch Kungfu Hustle on thursday and went to my agency to take pay cheque and crossed over to Bugis to look for books with my clique on friday. Hope the new timetable is better , or else very very sian. I rather the lessons are all clustered together than so many breaks in between. Sad case number 1.

Canteen food is like...uhhh...too. Sure there is a slight improvement on enchancing the look of the canteen to a more colourful image. However , the food sucks. It may not be surprising because canteen food is always like "zzzzzzzz" except for a few stalls but I think is worse than ever before due to the change of the few familiar vendors who at least cooked some good food to "support" the canteen (otherwise nobody will patronise). Clearly there are not enough food to go around feeding 1600+ students and not including teachers and staff. Other than mondays which due to the lessons we dont have a choice but to eat at the canteen , I am sure my clique and I will just head outside the school to eat. Sad case number 2.

The new system of putting back our utensils and plates back at the designed areas at both end of the canteen is so troublesome. Imagine what if we sit at the far end of the canteen and having to return all these we have to purposely cross over to the other end just to return instead of the usual returning in front of the stalls ? The dumb me totally forgot the system today and foolishly went to give back my drink cup back to the drinks auntie and embarassingly told her that I am not used to the system. Sad case number 3.

Other than the above following , there are not much of changes. NY is still NY.

Starting to feel the rush of pressure already. Strange because it's only the beginning of the 2nd week. Nandwani gave us so many econs homework which was dued last week..including holiday assignments which I did not touch at all in the hols. No choice because I worked more than 3/4 of my holidays away..only left the last week of hols for me to enjoy. Ok , my fault. Just paid the price by chionging finish the pile of work and sacrificing sleep. Things will be back to normal after today , after I finish up cla project. Just have to be consistent in work from tml onwards.

I Dream

Verse 1:
In my mind
I can climb
All the mountains that surround me
My spirit's there , where eagles dare to fly

In my heart
There's a spark
That can light the world around me
An open door , where I am sure dreams are

Bridge 1:
It doesn't matter if I win
Or the colour of my skin
Cause the race is all about
Believing in yourself

Chorus 1:
And I dream
I can run
Like the wind
And be strong
When my heart just wants to give in
I dream
I can be
The hero that's in me
When I dream , I dream

Verse 2:
If there's a time
In your life
When the odds are so against you
There's no defeat, if all you keep is pride
First or last
Slow or fast
There's a dignity that makes you
Keep driving on , when worlds have come apart

Bridge 2:
It doesn't matter rich or poor
Or the things you've done before
Cause the race is all about
Believing in yourself

Chorus 2:
And I dream
I can run
Like the wind
And be strong
When my heart just wants to give in
I dream
I can be
The hero that's in me
When I dream , I dream

Middle 8:
I dream
Of a moment
That forever will be golden
When the torch is passed
Only dreams will last
That are shared by everyone

Chorus 3 & 4:
And I dream
I can run
Like the wind
And be strong
When my heart just wants to give in
I dream
I can be
The hero that's in me
When I dream , I dream

Happy New Year to all and thank you for those who sent their well-wishes to me for the new year. Actually I had wanted to write something like a long page of "report" of the entire year of 2004 but I guess now is already too late. New blogskin for the new year , which I really like. Yeah..maybe it has some special meaning but overall I like the white theme. Simplicity is elegance.

31st Dec 04 I was not with other friends to countdown or some sort because I wanted to spend the last day of 04 with a person whom I really cherished a lot but I guess it was destined that I am left out once again. It was really excruciating and it capped a very miserable night for me. I hope the tears that flowed out last night is the final one , because it further motivates me not to crumble and be strong in all situations , even if is really unbearable at times.

In summary , 2004 was a very treacherous and tiring year for me. All the "sour , sweet , bitter and spicy" experiences which I had been through , I have seen lots of true colours in lots of people , heard many snide remarks , bore with the despising looks people gave. I knew I will surely go through all these and I dun blame anyone. However , I will like to take this opportunity to thank those people who have always believe in me and stood by me at all times regardless of glorious achievements or low periods of my life. I hope I wont disappoint u all and will continue to work hard. For those who have decided to leave and walk out of my life , I will like to thank you too , and that's because u motivate me even further to prove u that I am not the failure u portrayed me out to be , but the best is yet to be.

End of 2004 , 2005 beckons. I dun have any unrealistic resolutions. My resolution is to clear the final hurdle of my jc life with flying colours and to continue to another stage. Other than that , I pray for everybody around me and myself to be happy and to stay in the pink of health always.

I know I may not be the best , but I will keep on improving myself in all areas I am capable of.

Turning reality into motivation , that's my lifelong motto.

Thank you and God speed.