I am bored.

I think I have sunk into depression the past few days. So who's the one who says he wants to get up on both feets again ? Is contradictory how I used to advise people to stand up again even after they fell and yet I don't practised what I preached. I guess I just got to improve in all areas I am capable of and if people can't see the good in me , I am sorry but I just have to leave. I still believe that one day , I can achieve happiness and success , which I have been waiting and pursuing for a long long time. I still believe one day I will meet someone who will appreciate me for who I am and prove to me that all my efforts have not gone into wastage. Perhaps I am being naive , but even if I am , just let me be. Let me just see a ray of hope in this beautiful but cruel world. Sometimes how I wish I am in a dream and never wake up , however I know that reality is still there for me to face it bravely. No matter what , I hope I dun crumble and surrender in any circumstances.

The sky is rather dark and luckily I am not out on the streets. Decided to set aside this weekend to do revision and homework. Mentioned about getting involved in some upcoming projects and I realised that if I commit to most of them I will practically have no life because it will be just studies and these commitments and hardly anytime for social life. Not that I really mind , but I am still weighing the pros and cons.

The sky is gray.
Will it make me forget who you are?
Maybe fate is against will.
Alone and nobody to pair up and snuggle with.
Who is there to comfort me?
Maybe being blue is another sort of beauty.

Listening to : Jay Chou's Jie Kou

I saw someone so happy in another person's arms , how sweet and endearing.

I saw someone enjoying in the midst of happiness and laughter with other people , how fun.

I saw someone basking in the glory of achieving good results in studies/sports , how proud the person must have felt.

I saw someone leading fellow peers in good example due to being superior in position , how commanding that was.

I saw someone who is very charismatic and being well-liked , how much attention being received is enough to make people envious.

I saw someone who is being noticed by the opposite sex all the time , how popular and high-profiled that can be.

I saw someone who is a nobody who probably won't generate much interest in being noticed or has anything good to be mentioned about.

I saw my shadow in the above example. The one and only example.


PK told me stuffs these few days which I think is so true.

Damn the world. Damn the society. Is so fucking realistic that u will get so tired of it.

You either make it or u don't.

You either make it big , or u are just a nobody.

You either be successful or you are doomed with nobody respecting you at all.

If you dunno what I am talking about , is ok. Sometimes , I dunno what I am talking either.

I just want to be someone. Is that too much to ask for ?

I am constantly searching for the right answer to this question.

Listening to : Mayday's Jue Jiang

Being a nerd over the weekend isnt the greatest feeling but miraculously I survived. At least something was accomplished and it was rather productive. Turned down my pals' invitation to play soccer and didnt join the Chingay party in town yesterday. Either I am tired or just plain lazy. I am so into soccer these days that I neglected basketball. Probably will find some day to bring my wife out for a little workout on the court.

Watched finished Incomparable Disc 3 and finally am done with watching finished Jay Chou Incomparable Concert VCD. It's totally awesome and definitely worth the money. Am really glad because I dun like to spend on stuffs which have no value. I promised myself 2 years down the road I will go to his next concert in Singapore. :D

Life is real mundane these days. Someone please make it more interesting. Sianz.

Stacy Jie called me to ask whether I am interested in working for Visa again. Apparently Visa has a new project coming up and since I worked for them for a short while b4 I worked for Cold Storage last hols , they wanted me to be back in the team. However I turned it down. Few weeks ago there was a Citibank roadshow in town just for a weekend needing promoters but I declined the offer as well. I doubt I have the energy and time to commit even though they are just weekend jobs. That's money flown away right in front of me but it can't be helped. I have studies to cope as well as other stuffs. Moreover there are upcoming projects on hand for me to chiong CIP hours. Think I will get busy soon and probably will eat into part of my weekends. Roped in my good buddy KY to join me as well. We did not want to wait till after June then start worrying about all these service hours because by that time is time to settle down and mug hard. I guess is more meaningful than galivanting out on the streets and beats thinking too much at home when bored out. Of course , there is the CIP hours to gain.

A sumptuous dinner prepared by Chef Mom beckons. :)

Listening to : Techno Remix - Creating Chaos In Heaven

Wow. Kinda high now lei. LOL. Just watched finished Jay Incomparable Disc 2 and it totally rocks. Nan Quan Ma Ma sang 2 songs and 1 of them was my fav "Xiang Cao Ba Pu". Noticed 1 of the members ( I forgot the name) also has carvings on his head..not bad not bad..real cool. The other special guest was Landy Wen Lan and uhm she looked like a slut ? Seriously. Ok , to be fair she was hot to begin with but I do think she kinda over acted + I dunno wat is she singing. I know some guys must be drooling over her act but it doesnt appealed to me at all. The last part seemed like she was playing SM with the guy dancer. HA. Well , it pretty much struck me to think..what if my future partner is something like this ? Uhh. I definitely dislike the idea of her getting touched and felt by other guys. So bloody cheap and I dun need a hooker for a girlfriend. If I have to choose between a hot gf or girl-next-door I will choose the latter. Simplicity is elegance.

Kinda tired these days so I slept like 10+ pm every night. If only I can sleep at this time every night it will be so great. Sleeping early is good because is healthy and is also good for the skin.

Well , Tuesday was the futsal competition. First game we won 1 - 0. It was supposed to be an onslaught against the opposing team but they played to such a tactic that they resembled a rugby team. I scored the only goal but I have to admit it wasnt exactly a beautiful goal. We proceeded to the next stage in which we thought initially was made up of the boys from the school soccer team but much to our surprise it was Shane and his gang. OMG. All of us are from the same PE soccer group and we pretty much knew each other's style. In the end the match went extra time and we lost by a penalty. Luck was just not on our side and our right winger Jerry injured his ankle. But frankly , we had more possessions of the ball and too much squandered opportunites. Shane was the only dangerman the opposition had. However , I am not offering any excuse and even we lost I shook all their hands and the rest of my teammates followed suit. We did too in the first game and I dun see any reason why we should not be sporting enough to do in the second game. Sure we lost but I dun want people to say "hey , that team has no sportsmanship and is a bad loser" , but I want people to remember that "hey , Death United lost but yet they were gracious about it and they have sportsmanship". That's the way. Besides , all these is just a game. Life is like this. U win some and u lose some. U fall and it definitely hurts but when u get up again u will be much stronger and learnt from experience and move forward to try again. U will succeed in the end with determination and strive , maybe in this case not in another futsal match but it may be through other channels such as academic-wise? Yeah. That's what I think. Anyway , I didnt regret being part of this team and captaining this team. In my eyes , Death United rocks. Moreover , the jersey stays. That means every Friday dress-down day can wear. :)

Watched Seoul Raiders with Irene and KY after sch yesterday. Pretty cool show. Is just like a sequel from the previous Tokyo Raiders obviously but is different in that the story takes place in Seoul this time. Uhmm..not much to comment about. The dialogues are interesting and 1 thing to note is that the comb that Tony Leung used to comb his hair after he fought finished the bad guys..I suspect this time round is much bigger than the Tokyo scene. Inform me if I am wrong. Will rate this show 7/10. For the guys , it may be interesting to note that Tokyo girls are definitely much more kawaii than Korean girls.

Will probably watch Incomparable Disc 3 tml or over the weekend , but not before I complete my european history set of notes first. Need to move to sea history asap. Gosh , must really settle down and not waste precious time.

Alright I am heading to sleep now. Good night to all and take lots of care.

Listening to : Zhang Zheng Yue's Ai Wo Bie Zou

Valentine's Day today. Everywhere I see are couples being lovey-dovey together. Love is in the air. I felt numbed.

Where is the love ? I find no meaning in this day.

Fate is against Will.

I dun dare to think too much , because I am alone.

Love me , please dun go..

Today just sucks. PE was great though. The PE soccer group was divided into 2 groups to play each other and the score ended 1 -1. I scored for my team. It was a great goal but must thank the left winger for sending a beautiful pass for me to wade through the defence and blast past the keeper. My old injury came back again and my left shin hurts everytime I walked. But I will fight through tml. Am focusing now on tml's match. Finally the day has arrived. Even though we are the underdogs , nevertheless we will try our very very best.

Death United , JIA YOU !

For those who are reading this , pray for us.

Thank you.

Listening to : Jay Chou Incomparable Live Concert's Gui Ji

Gui Ji (Track)

Verse 1

How to hide my sadness
The place where I lost you
The fragrance of your hair scatters hastily
I already cannot catch up

Verse 2

With my eyes closed , I can still see
The traces of your departure
I keep searching under the moonlight
For that silhouette that I'm thinking of

If breaking up can be said to be the starting point of pain
Then before the final destination point , I'm willing to love once again
I want to tell you , the love that I dare not express
Will anyone be able to understand

Chorus

I will be staring off into space , then I will forget you
And then tightly close my eyes
Thinking about that day , when there will be someone who'll take your place
So that I will not think about you anymore
I will be staring off into space , then I will break into a smile
And then tightly close my eyes
Thinking once again , your tender face
Before I forget


The tears in my heart , have blurred my vision
You almost can't see it anymore

===================================================================

Gui Ji was the last song of Jay Chou's Incomparable Live Concert. This is my most most fav song , besides Qing Tian. Haiz.

Anyway yesterday's outing was great. Dinner at Hans and movie at Lido. We watched Constantine. Overall it was quite good though initially I thought it was not a nice film but it proved me wrong. I rate it 7/10.

I guess many people are looking forward to tml , especially the lovebirds. However to me , it will be just another day.

I wont feel sad , probably because I am used to the feeling of being left out of this realistic love game.

Fate is against Will.

Listening to : Ou De Yang's Gu Dan Bei Ban Qiu

I will just update about the Chinese New Year events that took place these past few days.

Went to school on the eve of Chinese New Year for celebrations. Surprise of the century huh? Well , dunno wat got into me but I just went. Overall was not a bad performance..but only the lion dance and the dirty-dancing alike segment by the Pegasus House caught my attention. The rest was ordinary , nothing special. Some skits that were put up by some siaokias were lame. I was rather bored , but luckily I brought along my digital camera to snap pics with my pals. After that went with PK and KY to eat at the coffeeshop near my old house. We planned to go Chinatown to walk about but in the end everybody went our separate ways back home to rest and prepare for reunion dinner.

Chinese New Year Day 1 - Usual stuff. Went to visit my maternal side's relatives first. Not surprisingly my cousin brought along his gf and the gf was like trying to be some gd future wife of his. I dunno what's the reason but probably is just to show off or something. Not as if I bothered. After all that proceeded to my paternal's side. As usual like previous years , rotted there watching tv with my relatives. I dun gamble , so it's like nothing much to do except watching tv. I began to think that CNY has become so fake. I mean , this type of thing u meet up with relatives for like once a year just for this occasion. I dunno abt others but in the case of my family is like this. The major factor probably everybody is busy with his/her life that we have hardly time to meet up. Even some cousins I see.. I reminisced the past when we were all young we were like so close. Till now when everybody grow up is like total strangers. Hardly chat much. Cant find common topics to talk. Let it be then , I am cool about it.

Met up with Zhenling at night. long time since we last catch up and we went for pool at Parklane. Played at the challenger table and I lost to a particular challenger whose skills was obviously below par of mine. Damn xia suay. But the matter of fact is that I lost and there's no excuse for it. Reached home close to 2 am.

Chinese New Year Day 2 - Went to Shuang Lin Monastery at Toa Payoh to pray with my family. After that Auntie Esther came over to eat lunch with us. Today I was supposed to be out with Weibin. It's like 3 years+ since I meet up with this primary school buddy of mine. We sure did meet up and the original plan was to go to he2 ban4 but everything was screwed up. Firstly , he didnt have the courtesy to at least inform until I called him then he told me he will be late. That I dun mind , but he actually brought along his two friends without telling me before hand. What's the whole point? I thought it's not everyday both of us are free and there's plenty to catch up on but got the other 2 tagging along. The 3 of them were too preoccupied among themselves and it pretty much reminds me of Zhenling & me with his friend Christine and her friends previously. That is just what I am trying to refer to above. I was bored and knew I just had to get out of there. So I left. Was supposed to meet with Cherrie to catch up with each other over dinner but she had sth on last min. The rest of my pals were busy with their own stuffs so I just headed home. Wasted my day. I could have gone elsewhere instead or just stay at home and study my history notes. I should have known , but luckily something else more than made up for this. And that's I bought Jay Chou's 2004 Incomparable Live VCD. Is very very worth it and I have been targeting this for quite sometime. Didnt buy the CD + MVs because I have my means of getting the stuffs inside , so can save up. Finally I bought it and I am super happy.

Chinese New Year Day 3 - Yet another surprise of the century. I went to school today while it seems that more than half of the people disappeared because probably they are still in new year mood. Actually is only 1 more day then yet another weekend so might as well should give us a holiday but as expected there wasnt any kindness from the school management. Watched some banana film about poetic stuffs with the other 2 classes for GP. It was so boring. I cant make up for nuts wat it's talking about. My clique sitting beside me was either sleeping or resting too. After that was street soccer for the whole day. In the afternoon we played against some gabrielite juniors of mine. It was a good game. Scalped my knee and hand during a tussle against an opponent and kanna a whack on my shin from the opposition keeper. Rather tough and it's still hurting now but I am ok. The consolation was a hat-trick under my name. My clique and I are pretty much geared up for nx week. Hopefully.

Just watched finished Jay's 2004 Incomparable Live VCD first CD. It was awesome ! but will watch the 2nd CD on another day. Very tired now and need to recover from my lack of sleep. Looking forward to tml's outing with my cla pals.

Listening to : David Tao's Jiu Shi Ai Ni

Nearly couldnt wake up today. Rather tired. Guess is due to the lack of sleep these 2 days. My eyes were a bit swollen this morning when I woke up. Initially wanted to wear specs to school to cover (I know it doesnt help much but at least it covers partially my eyes) but in the end I ditched the idea. Popped back my lens but was still running late. Saw the god damn 315 just whizzed past me just when I was about to cross the road to the bus stop. Ended I took a cab and ended directing the idiotic driver who doesnt know the directions to my school. The worst part was that I assumed he understood chinese because he is a chinese then somehow or another in the end I found out he is a potato-eater when he dun seem to understand what I was saying. Fancy being a chinese and he doesnt know how to speak/understand chinese. Utter disgrace.

School was alright today. PE sucks though. Played soccer and I was out of form. Jialat. 1 more week to competition and I am like this.

Watched Aureus Experentia XI presented by NYJC band concert at Singapore Conference Hall with Qian Hui on Saturday. It was not a bad performance. Though I must say I am not amused by the feeble attempt of making jokes by the percussion ensemble , the encore part in which 2 chinese big-headed dolls suddenly sprang up and surprised everyone in the audience more than made up for it. Rather hilarious. The mystery guest singer was actually a teacher from the science faculty. Was expecting my good old european history teacher cum part-time opera singer to perform. hahz.

Listening to Tao Zhe's Jiu Shi Ai Ni now. Whenever I hear this song , it always sends a chill down my spine. I feel so cold and tears will just welled up in my eyes. This is just 1 of the few songs that has the most meaningful and touching lyrics with the melodious tune. This song has been repeatedly playing in my player ever since yesterday.

I dun yearn much. Neither do I expect much. People think I am complicated , but I am not. I am just looking for someone to be there. Just the one..and only. But it seems as if I am asking too much though. Just where is the real one ? Too much pain will lead to eventual numbness.

Always standing outside the door of happiness , but somehow the door always shuts me out.

Went to make jerseys at Queensway during the long break with KY today for the upcoming futsal competition during college friendship week. This street soccer competition will be held on the day after Valentine's Day. I am the captain and I will be leading my team to fight for honours. Death United. What a name. LOL

Was stuck there due to complicated administrative stuffs. Couldnt make it back in time for cla and Liu Fang was so nice about it when I called her and explained our situation to her. Technically was our fault but we didnt expect that 4 hours was not enough for us to travel to and forth. It was definitely not intentional to skip lesson. Liu Fang was so understanding. Really do think she is a really respectable and great teacher with no tempers at all. Well , unlike some teacher I know who probably make us stand at a corner of the classroom like some primary school kids if this happens.

After that came back to Serangoon to meet up with the team to have a kickabout session at the open field near my old house then we proceeded back to school. Played a friendly with a group of J1s and kanna edged out 3 - 2. Damn xia suay but it's ok. The central-forward which is myself scored the first goal and my right winger scored the other one. Definitely room for much improvement if we are to stand any chance of winning anything. Dun like the idea of losing , which applies to anything and everything I do.

Nowadays me and KY are training for our pull-ups. Really dun wish to enlist so early at the end of this year. Kinda wasted because the rest of the items are quite good and just left with the sickening pull-ups. Just a few more and we are cleared of having our heads shaved bald so early. The reward is at least 1 more month. However , we definitely need lots of motivation and determination.

Must jiayou.