Friday

Pool at SSC from 1+ till 3+ with CG.B4 that was lunch at Long John's at PS.Hmm..I took the session and the score was 9 - 3 .CG was v.frustrated by his performance.Am not suaning or wat but personally I dun tink I fared much better.The both of us went back to NY after that to watch talentime finals together with Zilong.Actually dunno y I paid 1 dollar for this thing..but I know 3 of my friends were performing and I should go there to give support.The whole thing was of coz spiced up by some jokers who were damn kp..lolz..real funny.Including Khairul..haha..sat behind our row v. LOUD loh..haha..and everybody was looking at him.So funny.It ended close to 7 and shortly Zhenling joined us after his training then we walked out together.Was supposed to see Zilong home coz he was unwell..but I ended going off with Zhenling to eat and left him and CG.Haiz , felt v.sinful.Dinner was ate at the usual coffeeshop nearby then went home changed into sth more of our style b4 met at Bedok interchange at 9+ then went to TJC for the carnival they had.Upon entering the gate immediately saw my classmate from CLA/GSC class.She was with her boyfriend I tink..and act dao look other direction.
-_-
Hmm..Zhenling saw several of his friends and chatted with them a while.1st time I in TJ.Is a cool place with a huge compound.We took the chance to walk around the sch too.We went there like a bit too late..lolz..all ending soon.Just basically mingled around and saw some performance by the makeshift band who entertained the crowd.Then after that took 38 back to interchange to have supper at Mac b4 leaving for home.I managed to pia the train to DG then took the last NEL train and even managed to take the last 70 bus.How lucky.Perhaps that 's the luckiest thing that ever happened to me these days.

Saturday

Did not go out today.Slept late then throughout out the afternoon just tidied my stuffs and continued reading my book , Ai De Xiao Yu.Then accompanied my mom to buy things and dinner.Hmm..peaceful day throughout.Got to noe the results of my O level friends who collected their results yday..of those that I noe I tot Pinyue and Lynn was the best..they both scored 8 points but just learnt that QH scored 7 points.HCJC for him for sure..he is in my clique 1 leh..mai siao siao..shared his joyfulness. =)

心的祈祷： 无声 ， 无泪 ， 无歌 ， 无悲

Prayers from the heart : no sound , no tears , no songs , no sadness


心的祈祷 ：真诚 ， 热烈 ，执著 ， 深沉

Prayers from the heart : sincerity, passion , stubborness , in depth

Nice.

Tutorials were all cancelled today. o_O

Rotted in the lib at 9+ with PK then went to meet my bros and CG to eat and talk crap.Went back to the library and read some history stuff TCP recommended.Only managed to read about 1/4 of the whole stuff and shall continue some other time.Then waited for the 3 of them come.Had actually wanted to go to the canteen to have a bite during lunch break but then Zilong wanna stay coz his angel was in the "interview conference" of the Bai Yun Gang thing that will commence next week. Haa..so the 3 of us stay and acc him while he had his fill looking at his angel.LOlz...dun forget he is the last ray of hope out of us 4 including CG.After that went to LT4 watched performance by the band..v.paiseh coz like extra like that..only went in to catch 1.5 songs they played. zz.

Home to change b4 leaving for SRJC.Crash in there again today with CG to play bball.Not bad..great work out.Didnt see any1 I noe again.Then came home had dinner and bath and here I am.

Chatted with mun just now.

Perhaps I will nv forget the conversation we had just now.No , never. And the 'day' will come , though I cant predict the future..but I believe this isnt the closing chapter of this beautiful story when once upon a time ..a boy truly likes a girl but it wasnt meant to be.

The 1st who touched me the most but yet hurt me the most.

A never ending story.

Woah...tiring day today...

Lessons were quite boring today.GP lecture I was in sianz mode.My clique was seated right behind so I joined them and ended I kanna blocked by two tall-sters sitting right in front of me.Hence I cant really see all the slides of the lecture presentation and got to cringe my neck to see some nice video clips in the end.Maybe I am just too short. *shrugged*

GP tutorial was fun.All the rest of the groups all present today and especially PK..he was damn zai..lolz..all his ideas were very radical and he shot back at Sharma (not offensive languages) till for the 1st time she LL nothing to say.Very cool and funny...if u get to noe the guy himself..haha..all his ideas and views of life are all v.radical one but they are not totally crap.Some are very true.Ugly side of society..I supposed.Of coz..not forgetting all the soccer tips he shared with us..haha.Went to find Eve at 11+ at the lib then when SJ came along we went for the last period of the day which was CLA.The test was a breeze...will get my full marks if nth goes wrong. =)
After sch went for lunch with the 2 ZLs.Actually lunch shld be on Zhenling's but then..haiz..the guy la..he always delayed the "bound-to-be- treat" he gonna gave us..lolz..details wont be mentioned coz is between us 3.After that Zhenling left for training while I accompanied Zilong to Bishan to buy his comp stuff.Saw some NY ppl..including CG 's angel.Walked around J8 b4 leaving for home.Rested a while then suited up for bball went back to NY the bus-stop there meet CG.Saw a pri sch mate who boarded the same bus as me on my way there but I didnt call out to him.Haha..the dao me.But I wasnt really bothered to call out to him anyway.Saw my classmates Fizah and Shi Hui too at the bus-stop.Then me and CG boarded 136..we crashing SRJC play bball.1st time I enter SR..hmm..took the chance to explore the sch a while.Didnt see any1 I know.Then 40 mins of bball..we went to borrow an extra ball some ppl had with them.It feels good to be holding the familiar ball once again..to be back in action after like 6 mths nv actually play.Hmm.Stamina really sucks.Shooting was alright but got to improve.Cannot last long like previous but I still beat CG 1 on 1. =) . Reached home around 8 p.m.

Yesterday had a chat with Mr Lawrence who is my econs teacher.Used to tink he is a teacher with lots of flamboyance in him and a joker with funny ideas (he really is..haha) but he 's real nice..beneath his confident and smiley look.Shared with me lots of life principles too.Hmm. Shall heed his advice. =)

Skipped dinner just now.Too tired.Die..a bit of exercise then like that so ah gua..kaoz..must really improve.Gotta make some fruit salad to eat then prepare tml 's TCP tutorial ques discussion then off to bed.

"..there's no reason to smile , but there's every reason not to smile.."

Monday....

Slept like a log at the study area early in the morning.Tink I lost all my image..haha..hope no 1 caught me with my blurry look or that I drooled in my sleep..if there is any.PK gave me morning call then went to meet him in the lib.Talked to YJ a while and he seems very troubled.Haiz.The world nv cease to "entertain" ppl with scums who just wanna spoil other ppl 's happiness and tink is funny to build their fun on other 's ppl backs.Chatted with him for a while more then almost my whole class came to the lib.They had some big plan but ended my usual clique in class of me and other 3 went off 1st.Serene pangseh us..haiz..guess is weird for her the only girl with us 4 boys.Chatted with Eve..she going home too..lolz..even took the same bus with us.Saw Evon and some of her classmates also qia bo.BTH.Monday blues ? haa.Anyway the 4 of us went to SSC for pool.Though is still early (12+) but they were already quite a few chao slackers there too.Opened 2 tables.Today was a bit xia suay becoz QH nearly thrashed me.I made too many ah gua shots.Dunno wat am I doing and thinking.Anyway the ending score was a draw. =)
Then we went to join the 8 of others at PS Mac.They did went for econs lecture and tutorial after all..except Peiling I guess coz she called me earlier to confirm.Damn.Imagined how we felt being flown by them.Nvm..Shant comment more.The supposedly class outing ended with nth coz they still couldnt reached an agreement to go where.Ended all go home.Luckily the four of us (PK , SJ , QH and me) came earlier to play pool 1st..at least we did sth.LOlz...now I shared with PK 's view on their mentalities.Better , I can come home rest and work out a bit.Yup.

Gonna finish swallowing CLA 's 6 poems' translations by tonite.Koh Tia Poh 's notes so diff from my last year 's notes..guess I shld still stick to his.Gonna ace this wednesday 's test. =)

S.H.E is coming to town soon for autograph session.Serene and Kelvin are bugging me to go with them but I really must see how. Dunno. still long to go b4 12th March.


"If you love something, set it free; if it comes back it's yours, if it doesn't, it never was."
--Richard Bach

hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm.

Sunday is always the day when one recollects of wat happened during the week..and dreading of Monday which starts a new week..that 's why ppl have monday blues..haha..

This morning was chores as usual and a little thing happened which was v. unpleasant...typical house affairs.Anyway HZGG 2 in the morning as usual and my dad v funny..he dun understand why I watched this serial even though I watched it like..er..twice ? thrice ? LOlz.Such a good serial.Little Swallow nv failed to crack me up with her lameness and innocence..Fifth Prince with his good-naturedness..Ziwei and Erkang of their astonishing but yet deep love they shared between the two of them..ah..

Anyway today was a good day basically.R & R and thinking of the rough week I had..was like..wah..perhaps this is the week which I will nv forget in my life.Had a good chat with my jie..very very nice chat indeed.Used to tink she does not understand my problems and always seem v. kp (now I still tink she do..haha..) but really , she is one that I can always confide in regardless of any problems I encounter..especially on human basis problems.She summed up all the advices I had and told me to look forward with a bright smile.Yeah..life seems negligible , yet it is wonderful actually.Think of the bright side , which I simply failed each time , especially this time.Nevertheless , I am picking myself up.I am fine..really..=)

Seems like yesterday lots of ppl were in town.I found out that Shirlin was in town in the noon with Jun..Jeff they all..argh...everytime bo jio.Evon and company was in town too at night but I didnt meet up with them.I was at SSC all along with Cheng Guan for pool..haha..from 4+ till 7:30 p.m.Played 17 games which I took 15..hehe..CG a bit pissed.He went home after that and I walked alone from PS to Hello Singtel.Went to meet Zhenling (my personal pool trainer..lolz) for pool (AGAIN..) at pool world.LOlz..surprised him by taking the 1st game but I began to lose after that la..eventually 5 - 4 in favour of him.1 of my resolution is to train myself to become more class..and my 1st goal is to beat ZL..muaha.Watched Arsenal against Chelsea there...and Arsenal won.So lunch is on PK's tml in sch....haha...zz.

Perhaps can try to make it 1 week once in pool session but my dad is already not happy with the way I spent money..haa.Bball nx week too..looking forward to it ! Cant wait to be back in the courts that were so familiar..the place which I can forget all the burdens and worries and let loose myself. Hope CG dun fly my aeroplane.



I pray for you , myself , and everybody.. to be happy always.

2 days nv blogged.

Was really feeling rotten and shattered these past few days.Not in the mood and really , when one 's not in the mood , watever that happened around him doesnt interest and seemed like nothing to him.Not surprising.Didnt fell ill though..but nearly.Just very tired.

Been thinking a lot too.Uncountable words that meant to be expressed were not conveyed as usual.However , I must really thank those who lent me their listening ears and advised me..really..thank you ppl.Without you all , I dunno how am I gonna pull through this agony..this pain.Yeah..especially to my bros and Cheng Guan who accompanied me be it in sch and outside and knocking lots of sense into me even though I wasnt in the right mood to hear.Went walking around outside with them these past few days to breathe in some fresh air..lolz..perhaps all these were just a distraction for me to avoid from thinking too much.My new pals PK and SJ...v encouraging..in fact today when I told them I gonna move on with my life they were happy for me...thanks guys.All of you guys are the supporting pillars of my life.

I guess I didnt lose everything.Perhaps through all these God wants me to learn to cherish others more.For example , my family and my friends.PK told me of this quote " Man proposes , God disposes." . True. Maybe is nv meant to be.But then since I didnt regretted giving all since day 1..I should not expect anything in return.At least the world is full of colours..at least when she receives she is happy.So when a person is happy , the world is happy , everyone around is glad..it does not matter even if I sacrifice myself..right ? This is not being magnanimous , but rather..learning to be more selfless.So ..TXK..stop thinking you are a fool who gives and gives and playing wat 2 roles la..lolz..haiz..

But I still wander how she felt all along. Am I the only one who felt shattered ? I supposed.Is not as if I want to think this way..but I cant help it u see.I still have some doubts and stuffs I want to say , but I doubt I will ever have another chance to say them out again.Msg was sent online/offline but I was ignored.Maybe is final...dunno..I still hope for some glimpse of rays of hopes though that one day we can be like b4..on platonic relationship as a fresh start.I dun wish to lose her totally.But one thing I really want to noe...was I being issued the death penalty since day 1 ? Perhaps i will nv noe the answer.

Tired. One thing is for sure I am moving on with life , from today onwards. I noe is like a bit fast..lolz..2 days only then recover ? Some might think..ok..perhaps this whole issue nv really being too deep and didnt really affect me.Wrong.I paid my soul for it le.Heart has been broken , tears flowed , moments of anguish and torment , who will understand ? Let it be.Not trying to force myself to be happy..but I cant do anything more either.I tried and persisted , without regrets.On the other hand , I guessed I am still not qualified to really love some1 yet..least for the moment.I am still so shallow and childish with too much emotions mah ..lolz...

"..U have to learn to love urself before loving someone else.."

Moving on with life , is my motto for now.

No regrets.

对不起

广场一枚铜币
悲伤的很隐密
它在许愿池里轻轻叹息
太多的我爱你
让它喘不过气已经 失去意义
戒指在哭泣
静静躺在抽屉
它所拥有的只剩下回忆
相爱还有别离
像无法被安排的雨 随时准备来袭

我怀念起国小的课桌椅
怀念著用铅笔写日记
纪录那最原始的美丽
纪录第一次遇见的你

如果我遇见你是一场悲剧
我想我这辈子注定一个人演戏
最后再一个人慢慢的回忆
没有了过去 我将往事抽离
如果我遇见你是一场悲剧
我可以让生命就这样毫无意义
或许在最后能听到你一句
轻轻的叹息 后悔著对不起

A coin in the town square
Being sad so secretly
It sighs softly in the wishing pond
Too many I love you's
Making it unable to breathe, already lost meaning
The ring is crying
Silently lying in the drawer
All it possesses are memories
Being in love and also breaking up
Like rain that cannot be arranged, that can prepare to strike anytime

I reminisce the classroom desks and chairs of elementary school
Remembering using pencil to write journals
Recording that initial beauty
Recording the first time I met you

If meeting you is a tragedy
I think my life's been determined to perform on my own
In the end slowly recalling memories alone
The past is no more, I remove the things that happened
If meeting you is a tragedy
I can just let life become completely meaningless
Perhaps at the end I can hear you say one more sentence
Softly sighing, regretfully saying sorry
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Took an especially longer route today.Reached home much later by an hour.Walking aimlessly along the streets..recalling wat just happened in the late noon.

2 days of silence since Valentine 's Day
Surprised to receive ur msg suddenly yday and you suggested we need to talk
Today we sat down and had a gd chat
Finally I knew wat u were tinking
Softly , you told me that you dun foresee any future in us
I knew it was over
Perhaps right from the start I should have know I will fight a losing battle
More or less this was expected
But I did not regret since day 1
Only regretted I didnt manage to let u noe how much u actually meant to me
Did not smile , neither did I cry
The pain , the agony
I am not strong at all to take it all in stride at once
But I cant let you see the already weakened and emotional me which you so disliked
You wanted me to be happy and to forget about liking you
I can only let time heal my wounds
But I cant promise I will wipe you out from my world entirely
I listen as you say.
Like a knife cutting, groaning in pain.
Because love doesn't have rules.
That's why heart aches and dies, cannot be alive.
Perhaps all this is just a dream that was never meant to be
You wouldn't understand that I guard the world every night
You don't need to comfort, don't need to notice whom I've hurt
You wouldn't understand that I haven't cried regretful tears
Actually, it's all too unbearable
I've already paid for my soul long ago
Maybe I am a fool who plays 2 roles in this drama
However , I will still smile because all is worth it.

今夜的寒风将我心撕碎。。忽然觉得好冷。。好冷

"..but watever it is , and watever what the future lies ahead and anything that happens , please dun forget that you have me always to be there for you.Is not an extra burden for me to carry , neither is it a responsibility , but simply , you are special."

Total Defence day today. Will just continue about wat happened yesterday.

Happy Belated Valentine 's Day to all.

Cross-country in the morning at Sentosa.Long time nv run and my stamina sucks.Didnt join the photo-taking total defence crap thing and ended me and Cheng Guan went around Sentosa by taking monorail..exploring mainly Palawan Beach and Siloso Beach.Met up with the 2 ZLs at Siloso..just nice..so the four of us went back to harbourfront and took NEL home.

Met up at 3+ at Serangoon MRT with Cheng Guan , Zilong and Kenneth.Went Far East to shop around and Zhenling joined us for an early dinner at around 5+.Oh..he told me sth..but I am quite ok with it..not as if it really matters.Mambo was packed so we went Hello Singtel 's basement for pool..even though play there very stress becoz the rate is super ex (around 10/hr) but is by far the best place for decent pool (as in gd tables..gd polished balls).Performance was alright today because I was relatively calm in mind except in some games which I am v.disgusted by the way some shots were not shot well. After that the other 3 left for home while me and Zhenling continued to wander around from Cine then back to Heeren.Even went to HMV to listen to music..that showed how bored we were.Then we headed to PS for a while and as usual , Zhenling egged me to live telecast which I declined not I am hum but simply , I am not interested.Actually , to wander in town yesterday was stupid.Saw a few familiar faces with their partners too.Happy for them , yet sad for myself.Dunno...when u see others cheng2 shuang1 cheng2 dui4 , u will feel freaking sian.Of coz we say that not necessary others have then we have to follow suit but well , it sounds saddistic but who doesnt feel even a slight tinge of boredom ? Finally I understand wat David Tao meant by "all the streets are lined with people in love while I walked alone in the embrace of night.. " in Season Of Loneliness.

But I am lucky to have my bros and CG and Kenneth to acc me la..better than cooping in my room and tink too much.LOlz..zz.Drowning oneself in liquor is the dumbest thing to do.Recounted only a few vdays in the previous years did I enjoy it.Other than that..all the vdays every year is just boring.

Received more gifts this year ..mostly from my classmates.Particularly the stitch with my name on it which I like it v.much.Is nice and sweet.Xue Ling called and ..ya..is nice to hear from her again.Best of luck to her.

Every night I sit and think of our future
Will it still be you and me?
Every night I sit and think of the day that you might be leaving
That day isn't so far away, but it seems so deceiving

Every night I sit and think of the day that we met
I never knew that I could feel so strong
and that you I would never forget

Every night I sit and think about how my love
gets stronger from every touch of you
I just sit here and I can't believe that this feels so true

Every night I sit here and you are all that I think of
I sit here and wonder can this be true love?

Every night I sit here, close my eyes and pray
Hoping that when she finds out, she will feel the same way.

Dedicated to this very special person.

Yesterday was the day I finally took the first step out.I have been hesitating whether I shld persist in this but now that I have done it ..is too late to retreat and I did not regret.I am not particularly keen on guessing the outcome , neither do I really wander how will she tink..as long as she gets the message , is good enough..I suppose. Haiz.

"If love hurts us so, and leave deep footprints inside of our heart, why do we love? Why is it all we search for in life? This pain, this agony? Its easy, its love."

Uncountable words that were not conveyed are meant to be said.

只想对你说 ， 我好喜欢你。

地下铁

可 听说 梦的出口 我们若按图所记的走

是否就能找的到 按图索骥 可 听说

梦的出口 我们若按图所记的走

是否就能找的到 黑夜了白昼 春夏又秋冬

一天复一天 一周又一周都经过

在人群中我们擦肩而过 在城市的呼吸里沉默游走

穿梭 一份自己渴望已久的温柔 试验找找

爱 美丽的 脸孔 远处招手当我们穿梭过了寂寞

只见霓虹灯闪烁(霓虹灯闪烁) 黑夜了白昼(黑夜了白昼)

春夏又秋冬 一天复一天 一周又一周都经过

在人群中我们擦肩而过 在城市的呼吸里沉默游走

一份自己渴望已久的温柔 黑夜了白昼 春夏又秋冬

一天复一天 一周又一周都经过 谁在人群中

总低著头作梦 (曾经梦想彼此你和我 也曾因为了解而放手)

我们在人群中擦肩而过 在城市的呼吸里沉默游走

(曾经梦想彼此你和我 曾经拥有彼此因为了解而放手)

我知道你会在那一头 我们将在对的那一秒碰头

下一站的出口 有人等我 有人等我 下一站的出口 你等著我

Quiet weekend for me.Took the opportunity to rest a lot + to do my stuffs.Nothing special.Did the usual chores today...actually was up v.early..ah haha..to work out + to DL stuffs.Already got the full album of Qi Huan Lu Cheng..wahah...cool.Energy 's 4 new songs are in my media player too liao.Watched Ah Du 's Ha Luo MV..must agree is really nice coz the scenes were shot in Ha Er Bin..and Ah Du is one lucky freak..he got the chance to hug Vicki Zhao ! Basket..haha.. initially I dun really like this song but after listening more frequently is actually a v. sad song..is about 1 couple separated and find it hard to patch back.Track 4 of the Ha Luo CD : Tui Rang..also not bad.Might have to sing this soon..haa..but well..I still dun like Ah Du dunno y. zzzz.


Ju-On 3 ?! LOL....





Part of the CNY pics.All will be uploaded to some photo album soon.The shirt I wore is the shirt I refering to b4 CNY..my xin ai de shirt..haha.Is not everyday one can see Tan Xin Kai acting clown and fooling around huh..haiz..sianz.

At the moment..this song suits me best..

Angel

镜子中 看见一张陌生的脸 那眼神如此黯淡 笑一笑

只牵动苦涩的嘴角 我的寂寞谁知道 像条船在海上飘

北斗星也看不到 谁能够扬起了帆 远远离开这黑潮

Angel Angel 盼望你在我身边

Angel Angel 请你 紧紧抓住我的手

有时候 我想不会有人了解 心里面藏著的痛

我害怕 用真心面对这世界 只好越来越沉默

一个人(一个人) 在人海漂 说话的人找不到

谁给我温柔(拥抱我) 拥抱 当我感觉心快要碎了

Angel Angel 盼望你在我身边

Angel Angel 是否 听见我在呼唤你 能不能

告诉疲惫的我 你永远为我守候

Angel Angel 请你留在我的身边

Angel Angel 请你不要放开我的手

Angel translations

I see a stranger in the mirror
The expression of those eyes are so dimly
I try to smile, but in fact I just reluctantly move the bitter corners of my mouth
Who will understand my loneliness?

Like a boat drifting on the sea, I can't find the Big Dipper
Who can raise the sail to move far away from this black tide?

Angel... angel...
Hoping you are by my side
Angel... angel...
Please hold my hand firmly

Sometimes, I think nobody will understand
The pain that hiding in my heart
I'm afraid to face this world with a true heart
So I just let myself be lonelier

Alone (alone) drifting on the sea, I can't find someone to talk to
Who will give me tenderness (hold me) when I feel my heart is almost broken?

Angel... angel...
Hoping you are by my side
Angel... angel...
Do you hear that I'm calling you?

Would you please tell the exhausted and lonely me?
That you'll always wait for me?

Angel... angel...
Please stay by my side
Angel... angel...
Please don't let go my hand


V.nice soothing song. Yup..that's the blog midi you are hearing.

你是否听见我在呼唤你。。

S.H.E released their 6th album today : Qi Huan Lu Cheng

Ok..nv pre-ordered this time round unlike the previous for Superstar.Already heard
their first single Bo Si Mao ..and frankly , I dun find it nice (even though I am a fan but I give honest opinons over a song). Let 's hope other songs will be nice. I will still buy it of coz..(only their albums I will buy..the rest DL . >.< ) but will be much later.Pocket a bit tight these few days. Haa.

These past few days past very quickly.

Cooling period for me.

Tired.

More in the next entry.

Just reached home after doing some dumb language test in school..haiz..raining heavily now..gonna blog the past few days' happenings..

Monday..BBQ was great..it turned out to be quite a success and the food was good.Took some pictures using Cedric 's camera.The thing started at 5+ and it ended around 9 according to Shang Jing but me and Poh Keong left earlier at around 7+.He was on his way to a dinner appointment with "uncles"..lolz..and as for me , I went town.Went Party Pool at Basement 1 of Hello Singtel there to find Zhenling there.The 2 of us had actually wanted to play at Mambo but the place was packed.We ended returning to Party Pool for pool.The rate was damn expensive..but it 's the best place I guess..of all the places I had been to for pool sessions.Played till around 10+ b4 leaving for home.

Tuesday and Wednesday..haiz..v.sian these few days..met up with my brothers in school..Tuesday was suppose to be the day of the week..but it turned out not to be.Disappointment after another.Thanks to Ruiling and Zilong these few days who lent their listening ears to me to hear me rant and rant.To add salt to wounds , Arsenal just got to lose to Middlesbrough thanks to Jose Antonio Reyes' own goal.WTH..wat a "great" debut goal huh.My lost was peanuts compared to Poh Keong's..haa..but is still money after all.Damn.

Sorry has a lot of meanings. It applies to only certain things , but not others.

Dont say sorry to me..do u noe every time when u said this word.. it hurts..a
lot..a lot..

Uncountable times my heart just sank.

How many times of disappointment can one life have?

...I think my eyes have already revealed everything...

Saturday Part 2

I was looking forward to this day , Saturday since Tuesday but..well.I have been excited for nothing at all ..at all. I was flown , that 's about it.

Night..wasnt prepared to stay at home.Had enough of facing the walls in my room.Gotta get out and breathe in some fresh air.Either drinks or pool ..in the end I chose the latter.If I chose the former..it would have been stupid.Of course is nice when u knocked out just for that few hours..u will feel as if u were in paradise and to be sleeping for the 1st time without thinking so much..but wat 's the use ? If is for joyous occasions is alright but if it is the opposite..zz. As if anybody will sympathize.Zhenling was steady as usual so we went SSC for pool in the evening.Kanna hammered by him..this time was the worst ever performance I ever shown.. 14 - 5 in favour of him.I ought to be shot by this kind of score.Just knew I will lose to him but this was outrageous.Lost all motivation to play at all.Damn it...I wasnt zai at all.I thought I can be zai..as in to keep other things out of my mind and just concentrate on my game...but just couldnt.

Tan Chee Peng asked me a few days ago how I tink of life..and I replied that life is like a music record which contains one 's ups and downs in life..if u dun play it will turn rusty...which means if u dun make full use of it it will be just plain and boring , albeit smooth-sailing.Sounds familiar ? yea..I took the idea from Hidden Track aka Xun Zhao Zhou Jie Lun.However , now to me , life is just like a game of pool.The opponent is not the other person who is playing against u..but is U , urself. Every shot u succeeded in sending it to the pockets is like an incentive to keep urself motivated and bringing each time the distance closer to ur goal in the end , which is to win the game..and to succeed in life.In the process..one got to keep cool and unruffled by the slightest distraction.That 's the secret to success.For me , I am still not zai enough...least at the moment.That 's the conclusion.

Dinner at Long John later at PS b4 the 2 of us just sat outside PS and chatted a while.So many people..hmm..due to that Chingay thing in town.Zhenling kept on egging me to "live telecast".But I was not the least interested.No..I dunno.No offence..but it seems that other girls just seemed so insignificant compared to the one in my heart.Yea..I dunno. It was already 11+ b4 I rushed to take NEL and the 2nd last bus home.

If I said I dun feel a thing , I am bluffing the whole world including myself.No..not anger...just plain disappointment.As much as I am trying to be happy always , it seems like a disguise.


Sunday

Today went to Shuang Lin Monastery at Toa Payoh there.Tiger fan tai sui this year so gotta go and bai.Hope this year will be better..really.Not going out today with Yong Jun..Shirlin they all..hmm..got to do my stuff + register for NS via online.Received the letter..seemed like I am the last one to receive out of all the people I knew..haa..Dec baby wat.Then today received another reminder by them to register...gonna soon bian applied for deferment.


Full of hallucinations
In a life of illusions
Nothing but confusions
Facing all situations

No one to be there
Me and me alone
No one to turn to
Me and me alone

Everything that i dream of nothing came
True everything that i prayed for nothing came true

Full of hallucinations
In a life of illusions
Nothing but confusions
Facing all situations

Covering up all the lies in my world of cries
Covering up all the ugliness in my world of cries

Dreaming for nothing
Praying for nothing
Wishing for nothing
Living for nothing

Full of hallucinations
In a life of illusions
Nothing but confusions
Facing all situations

A brilliant literary masterpiece by a net friend of mine , Gizmo.

The world is never perfect.